November 19th is International Men’s Day, and it is
imperative that we start looking into men’s mental health the reasons it
often gets overlooked and how to address this concern.

Socialization of gender roles play a big role in why men’s
mental health tends to go unnoticed. Since childhood, men have been taught
certain things such as to hold their feelings in, have a stiff upper lip, and
that boys don’t cry so it’s better to man up. There are implicit notions
that expressing oneself openly is not a masculine thing to do. Hence, there
is naturally a great deal of stigma attached to men seeking help.

On closer inspection, these implicit assumptions do not hold
water because feelings are experienced by everyone, and no one gender can have
a monopoly over emotion. Human beings are not one-dimensional but complex and
diverse creatures. The fact that gender is fluid rather than binary, that the
fixed gender roles we have grown up learning are not enough to capture the
diversity of human experience. Such roles evolve over time as each
individual does and that it is very much in the natural course of things is a
concept that we as a society are still trying to wrap our heads around.

We have internalized outdated and inaccurate notions of
masculinity and it is time to set the record straight and break the stigma.
Here are some messages to contemplate in order to counter the years of negative
conditioning:

1.It is okay to ask for
help.

There is nothing wrong with seeking a source of support. In
fact, the need to be heard is one of the most natural human needs and can be
highly liberating.

2.Feelings are there to be
experienced, not suppressed.

Men have a tendency to bottle up their feelings, instead of
acknowledging them and consequently processing them naturally. With time, these
repressed feelings turn up in unhealthy and displaced ways.

3.It is not weak to open
yourself up to someone, and in fact, requires courage.

The strong man act is just that, an act. Sometimes true
strength lies in being able to be vulnerable to share what you’re going through
when you need it.

4.Suffering sees no gender
and help is available

Struggle and suffering are part of the shared human
experience. No gender is spared the suffering, so why should any gender be
spared help?

5.You don’t need to do
everything on your own.

There is no need to suffer by yourself in silence. There are
people who are readily available to listen. All you need to do is ask.

6.Mental illness does not
equal weakness.

Mental illness is not a choice. It happens and can be
treated the same way a broken leg can be treated by addressing it in time and
with care.

7.Sharing your feelings
will not make you a burden to others.

In fact, you may sometimes find that sharing actually make
your relationship with the other person closer by giving them the chance to
understand you better and care for you.

8.Self-care is not just
for women, and it is not an indulgence.

Self-care is not a luxury, it’s a necessity for everyone.
Any action that adds to your emotional and physical well-being is an act of
self-care.

9. Whatever you are going
through may not be as uncommon as you think.

We feel ashamed about a great deal of things, thinking we’re
the only ones having certain thoughts or feelings. You are very likely not the
only one, which is comforting.

10.Mental health is a priority.

Start putting yourself first. That way you can be there to
take care of everyone and everything else instead of burning out.

To all men out there, you may be a son, a partner, a father,
a provider and play multitudinous other roles that make you the complex and
intricate being you are. You may still feel you need to act strong and be brave
for everyone around you. But before you’re a role, you’re a person. You are
allowed to take care of yourself too.