Adolescence can be a turbulent period, and for good reason:
their body is changing, they begin to question what they have been taught, they
venture into the complicated world of relationships and peer dynamics, they
take their first steps into being accountable for their actions. During these
crucial years, adolescents are trying to form their identity and figure out
their place in the world.

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The teenage years can be confusing for parents too, because
there seems to be a strange tug of war between protecting your child and
letting them go. Yet your teenager has many expectations from you: to
understand their needs, to cater to them, to allow them to explore. Your teen
is no longer as dependant on you as they were as children, but not yet close to
being independent cognitively or financially as an adult, so the question
arises – how exactly are you supposed to approach them? It is a tricky dynamic
to balance, not least because as guardians, you always wish to look out for
your children, but smothering them or else neglecting them only seems to push
them further away from a relationship of closeness.

Here are a few handy principles to keep in mind to help
manage the expectations of your teen:

• One of the major themes of adolescence is independence.
  Hence, one of the first things to work on or evolve in your dynamic with your
  teen is to let them make decisions about things they can such as their
  clothing, their subjects and their friends. You may not approve of all their
  choices, but they are exploring their own identity, and it should be more about
  them than it is about you.

• Let them make mistakes. Yes, as painful as it is to resist
  the urge to go running to protect your teen from any kind of harm, their
  exposure to the world and taking responsibility for actions comes with its own
  experiences and mistakes. They will learn from them and make wiser choices in
  the future. Too much interference on your end will only aggravate bad choices
  or else leave your teen unprepared for future challenges.

• Set boundaries. Contrary to popular belief, teenagers need
  structure and boundaries much like children or even adults do. It isn’t that
  teenagers don’t want to follow any rules, it’s simply that they may question
  them and wish to expand on them. Every house has its rules, so you should
  enforce them as a guardian, but try to adjust them to your growing teen’s
  needs, and certainly do your best to communicate the reason why.

• Leave the door open for them to approach you. Open
  communication is the foothold of your relationship with your teenager going
  forward into adulthood. Learn to listen without instant judgement to what they
  are saying, and very importantly, what their actions are suggesting. Between
  treating them like a child or an adult, lean more towards treating them as an
  equal with valid thoughts, opinions and emotions.

Managing teenagers’ expectations is not always easy.
Sometimes, even when you do everything right, there will be conflict. This is
nothing to be worried about, as it is all in the nature of growing up, for your
teens as well as for you as a parent or guardian. For a long time, you were the
cocoon protecting the caterpillar, but it needs to break out if it ever wishes
to spread its wings as a butterfly.