The fear of failure
can hold us back from success but research suggests that we can change the
way we think and feel about it.

Most people don’t know this about me, but I applied to
graduate school five times. Each collection of annual rejection letters stung.
I failed again, I thought every time I didn’t get in.

But now, looking back on these failures with my Ph.D. in
hand, I see that each one was a learning experience, a part of the journey
forward. It shows that we taking risks that can either result in
failure or pay off big. By being willing to take these risks, we make it
possible to experience great success.

That all sounds good in theory. But how, exactly, do we use
failure to our advantage when it feels so bad to fail, especially in our work?

When we fail, we worry that we’ll be punished and we feel
ashamed, so we try to avoid failure at all costs. But it doesn’t have to be
that way. The first step is to overcome our fear of failure, and these three
steps can help.

1. Find the benefits
of past failures

All negative experiences have some benefits, even if they
are hard to see or appreciate in the moment. By practicing finding these
benefits with past failures, you may be able to enhance this ability so that it
is easier next time you fail.

To find the benefits, start by picking a past failure and
writing out three things you learned from it. For example, if you missed an
important deadline, maybe you learned that you need to prioritize better, say
no to more projects, or tone down the perfectionism. Ask yourself: Have you
made any changes to prevent failures like this from happening in the future? If
not, take the time now to make a few small changes.

Next, ask your friends how they have benefited from past
failures. For example, a former boss of mine once published an error in a
paper, and now she triple-checks everything. A colleague stumbled through giving
a presentation, and now he’s less afraid to stumble again; he can handle
whatever happens. Witnessing others overcome their failures can help decrease
your fears and show you how to find the benefits of your own mistakes more
easily.

Plenty of business experts will tell you that you should
reflect on your failures right after you experience them, as a way to extract
maximum learning from the experience. Keep in mind that if you are still
feeling upset about the failure, it will be harder to come up with effective
solutions so it might be better to wait until the sting has subsided.

2. When failure is
possible, view it as a challenge

Completing important tasks tasks that you could fail at
is stressful. But how you choose to approach this stress is up to you.

If you think of stress as a threat, as many of us do, your
body will prepare for battle and you’ll feel like you’re in a battle. On the
other hand, if you choose to view this stress as a challenge, then you’re more
likely to think you are capable of handling it. As a bonus, thanks to the
calming effect it has on your body, you actually will be more capable and less
likely to fail.

To build a challenge mindset, reflect on past challenges
that you’ve overcome. Let say you’re worried about a meeting with your boss.
Take a moment to think back to past meetings. Did you handle them successfully?
What exactly did you do? When you remind yourself that you have succeeded
before, the task in front of you doesn’t seem so insurmountable.

Next, visualize success. By imagining yourself doing well,
you feel more positive, which can enhance your performance. On the other hand,
if you ruminate about what could go wrong, your fear builds, and the failure
you fear becomes more likely.

Keep in mind that even if you are able to shift your brain
to stop seeing something as a threat, you may feel similar physical sensations,
like nerves and shakiness. If you notice these, try to see them as excitement,
energy, and good stress evidence that what you’re doing is important to
you.

3. Treat yourself
kindly when you experience failure

There will never be enough hours in the day to do your best
on every project. You’ll be cramped for time or make a mistake or disappoint
yourself. In these moments, you can be really mean to yourself. Or you can
choose to be kind to yourself, taking steps and cultivating attitudes that can
stave off guilt, shame, and embarrassment.

One way to be kind to yourself is with self-care. For
example, you’ll benefit from seeking out a friend to talk to who you know will
be compassionate. Or you may prefer a stress-relieving activity, like exercise,
to help you cope with intense negative emotions. Or you can try any of these
workplace stress busters.

It’s also important to practice self-compassion when you
make mistakes. Remember, everyone fails and there is no need to be a bully to
yourself, feel guilty, or put yourself down. Indeed, that kind of attitude
won’t help you persist in the face of failure in the future. Instead, try
talking to yourself in a way that is supportive, kind, and caring and you’ll
be more likely to acknowledge mistakes and do better next time.

With these tips in mind, you can more easily overcome your
fear of failure at work and in life. In my life, I went from being a cashier
making minimum wage, to getting a Ph.D. from Berkeley, to owning a small
business. I still fail at something almost every day, but because I am willing
to try, I also succeed sometimes, too.

This article, written byTchiki
Davis has been shared with due permission from Greater Good Magazine.
To view the original article, click here.