At the core of any good relationship lie the seeds of
friendship: a space where you can be yourself, quirks are accepted and even
loved, and weaknesses don’t look as scary in the face of acceptance. The
dynamics of friendship are a bit like a machine; if you don’t use it, treat it
well or repair it when things break down, over time it lies in a corner and
gathers dust and rust, and it’s hard to get things going smoothly again. As
with almost anything in life that you intend to keep, it needs maintenance.
Machines need maintenance, and relationships need care.
Sometimes that is easier said than done, however, because
life is complicated: you might not have a lot of time on your hands, you may
not know how to reconnect after a long time, or you might just not be in the
right headspace to focus on the matter. If this is the case with you, a few
steps are all it takes to bring the spark back into your friendship and
relationships:
- Show your
appreciation.Write a spontaneous thank-you note to your friend or
loved one or send a list of reasons why you love hanging out with them. This
small act of gratitude will make their day (and yours), get the feel-good
hormones rushing through your system and set a positive tone. - Make small gestures. Share
a picture, joke or meme that reminds you of your loved one to show that they
are on your mind. You could also send a video or an article you find
interesting and think your friend might enjoy. It’s a great way to start a
conversation that isn’t typical or mundane and will be fun to discuss. - Do something new
together.Research shows that actually doing an activity
together (as opposed to just talking) brings people closer together. Find a
common hobby or interest, such as hiking or cooking or learning a new skill,
and do it together. Shared experience strengthens bonds and adds new dimensions
to the relationship. - Let there be space. This
is an important principle in all relationships: a certain amount of space is
healthy. You may love hanging out with your friend or loved one, but constant
togetherness can be stifling. Feel free to take some space when you need it
without feeling guilty and extend the same courtesy to your loved one without
misunderstanding them. - Listen attentively.One
of the most supportive things you can do as a friend is to listen actively and
validate your loved one’s feelings. You don’t need to support every decision in
order to support your loved one in a time of need. You can just be by their
side and try to understand where they are coming from. This quality of sincere
empathy is at the root of good relationships and will make you a better friend.
Cultivating good relationships is an art. It is certainly
not always easy and neither are people always predictable, but it is surely
worth pursuing because in some way relationships are not like machines at all,
they are like lifelines that help us survive and navigate in a complex world
which could really use some joy and laughter.