Adolescence can be a turbulent period, and for good reason: their body is changing, they begin to question what they have been taught, they venture into the complicated world of relationships and peer dynamics, they take their first steps into being accountable for their actions.

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During these crucial years, adolescents are trying to form their identity and figure out their place in the world.

The teenage years can be confusing for parents too, because there seems to be a strange tug of war between protecting your child and letting them go. Yet your teenager has many expectations from you: to understand their needs, to cater to them, to allow them to explore. Your teen is no longer as dependent on you as they were as children, but not yet close to being independent cognitively or financially as an adult, so the question arises – how exactly are you supposed to approach them? It is a tricky dynamic to balance, not least because as guardians, you always wish to look out for your children, but smothering them or else neglecting them only seems to push them further away from a relationship of closeness.

Here are a few handy principles to keep in mind to help manage the expectations of your teen:

• One of the major themes of adolescence is independence. Hence, one of the first things to work on or evolve in your dynamic with your teen is to let them make decisions about things they can such as their clothing, their subjects and their friends. You may not approve of all their choices, but they are exploring their own identity, and it should be more about them than it is about you.
• Let them make mistakes. Yes, as painful as it is to resist the urge to go running to protect your teen from any kind of harm, their exposure to the world and taking responsibility for actions comes with its own experiences and mistakes. They will learn from them and make wiser choices in the future. Too much interference on your end will only aggravate bad choices or else leave your teen unprepared for future challenges.
• Set boundaries. Contrary to popular belief, teenagers need structure and boundaries much like children or even adults do. It isn’t that teenagers don’t want to follow any rules, it’s simply that they may question them and wish to expand on them. Every house has its rules, so you should enforce them as a guardian, but try to adjust them to your growing teen’s needs, and certainly do your best to communicate the reason why.
• Leave the door open for them to approach you. Open communication is the foothold of your relationship with your teenager going forward into adulthood. Learn to listen without instant judgement to what they are saying, and very importantly, what their actions are suggesting. Between treating them like a child or an adult, lean more towards treating them as an equal with valid thoughts, opinions and emotions.

Managing teenagers’ expectations is not always easy. Sometimes, even when you do everything right, there will be conflict. This is nothing to be worried about, as it is all in the nature of growing up, for your teens as well as for you as a parent or guardian. For a long time, you were the cocoon protecting the caterpillar, but it needs to break out if it ever wishes to spread its wings as a butterfly.

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