Although most of us are not always aware of it, we are constantly assessing and reassessing the world around us, and respond to it based on our perceptions which have been shaped by what we’ve been taught, past experiences and even by our genes.

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This internal voice in our minds that helps us determine our perceptions – the dialogue that we have with ourselves on a regular basis – is what psychologists call ‘self-talk’, and it includes thoughts that we have consciously, as well as our unconscious assumptions or beliefs.

Negative self-talk is the expression of thoughts or feelings which are counter-productive and have the effect of demotivating us. It is caused by a variety of factors including:

a) Experiences in the growing up years of the individual that have a large impact on mind conditioning and the thinking process of an individual.

b) Depressing and traumatic life incidents, and the cognitive distortions they cause in the thinking patterns of an individual.

Some common examples of negative self-talk are:

• “I am not good enough.”
• “It doesn’t matter what I say.”
• “It’s important that everyone likes me.”
• “I can’t do it.”
• “I am unlovable.”
• “I can’t change anything.”
• “I must be perfect to be worthy”
• “Nothing I do will make a difference.”
• “I am a failure.”

Negative self-talk has several adverse effects on health including an increase in stress levels, anxiety and panic attacks, feelings of worry, fear and disappointment, aggression, lower levels of energy, loneliness and depression.

In sum: How we speak to ourselves matters.
 
Negative thoughts come in all forms, shapes and sizes, and what makes it difficult to get rid of is that it is deeply personal. Such thoughts do not arise out of thin air ̶ they are in some way connected to past experiences that have made an impact on our minds. These thoughts tend to surface often and get perpetuated by other incidents that support it ̶ rather, support our perspective on it, which in turn affects our experience of the situation.

The good news is that although our brain is naturally predisposed towards focusing on negative thoughts more than positive ones, it is also the most intelligent and adaptable mechanism we possess. We can thus train ourselves to think new and different thoughts.

There are three main aspects to controlling negative thinking:

1. Acknowledge it for what it is. Negative thoughts often go unnoticed because they are so ingrained in our perceptions that we don’t even know we are engaging in it.

2. Challenge its validity. Our thoughts are often on auto-pilot mode, which means that we generally don’t stop to question them, but that’s how a great deal of negative self-talk goes by unfiltered.
 
3. Replace it with healthy positive thoughts. Changing negative self-talk involves putting things into a balanced perspective. Start off by merely substituting negative statements with positive statements and ask ourselves these questions

“Is this situation as bad as I am making out to be?”,
“Will this matter in five years’ time?”
 
The answers to which would give insight into what is really happening.
  
Thoughts are like water in the ocean: sometimes turbulent, sometimes calm, gushing and flowing, fluid and adaptable. It has within it the potential to hold life but can be dangerous if you don’t know your way around the currents.

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