We all want to be happy, right? We as humans are constantly looking for the next big thing, a big bonus, the next big promotion, or the next new person in our life who is going to make us happier. When happiness is seen as somewhere off in the future, it’s always out of our grasp.
Sometimes when we chase the elusive goal of being happy, we often engage in habits that give us just the opposite. We indulge in destructive mental habits that can sabotage even the best events, achievements, and relationships in our lives.
The important component however is that happiness doesn’t come from an external factor or event, but it comes from within. Happiness comes from our thoughts and how we look at the world and it has very little to do with the world itself.
Here are some pitfalls we need to avoid to continue being happy:
1. Taking actions based on our emotions
Emotional reasoning is a cognitive process by which an individual concludes that their emotional reaction proves something is true, despite contrary evidence. In such scenarios, it’s tempting to follow our feelings because they’re so strong and convincing. But here’s the thing about feelings: The strength of a feeling is a poor indicator of its truth or its usefulness.
For example- You feel frustrated with your spouse, so you decide to immediately bring out all your biggest grievances against them. Another instance could be that you feel lazy, so you decide you need to rest instead of exercising or hanging out with friends.
Relying solely on our feelings in such situations can create problems for us and add to our distress. .
2. Having unrealistic expectations
Expectations are an assumption about how things should be. In many instances, expectations add a layer of unsaid compulsion.
Expectations feel good because they portray an illusion of certainty. For example: You expect your boss to be compassionate and constructive in your performance review. But the world is far from certain. And the people in it, even less so. In the long-run, unrealistic expectations do more harm than good.
3. Indulging in Negative Self-Talk
Whether you realize it or not, you’re constantly talking to yourself. You’re narrating the events of your daily life, some of which are boring and ordinary
But in addition to narrating the events in our lives, we also talk to ourselves about ourselves:
- We blame ourselves for not doing a task perfectly at work
- We tell ourselves how bad we look in those new jeans
- We worry about how we’ll handle the upcoming exam
This inner speech about ourselves is called self-talk and we all have certain patterns or habits of self-talk. Negative self-talk is any inner dialogue you have with yourself that may be limiting your ability to believe in yourself and your own abilities, and to reach your potential. It is any thought that diminishes your ability to make positive changes in your life or your confidence in yourself to do so. Focusing on these thoughts may lead to decreased motivation as well as greater feelings of helplessness.
4. Opting to live in the past
Surely our past plays an important role in our lives. However, dwelling on a negative instance from your past, making it influence your present and letting it impact your future can make you very unhappy over time.
A toxic childhood, a bitter relationship, an irreparable financial loss, are all phases in your life that may have affected you. But should you let these events dictate your present? Absolutely no. While you cannot change what’s already happened, you have the choice to learn from the mistakes you made and weave a future that’s beautiful.
5. Worrying about what people will say
In a society, while it is important to stick to rules and regulations, it is also important to listen to your heart and do what you think is right. Whether you wish to restrict yourself, limit your movements or regulate your behaviour on the basis of what people will say about you, is your choice. Constantly worrying about what impression you might leave on people around you, dwelling on the fear of rejection, will only make you unhappy.
In life we are often met with circumstances where things are not in our control. While you can amend your ways resort to certain lifestyle changes, there are things that you cannot do anything about. This is when you need to let it go. Thinking about what’s going to happen, how things are going to unfold, will only make you more anxious and stressed out.
7. Surrounding yourself with negative people
Friends, family, and other people you spend time with can have a huge influence on your outlook on life. Avoid people with toxic negativity and surround yourself with positive people who motivate and inspire you.
8. Criticizing others
Gossiping and criticizing can waste precious time and energy on things that aren’t going to better you in any way. Focus on positive things that can help you grow mentally or widen your perspective.
9. Catastrophizing
Catastrophizing is when someone assumes the worst-case scenario or thinks things are much worse than they actually are.. Catastrophizing is when your mind twists information into an imagined scenario of everything that can go wrong.
It can cause unnecessary stress and anxiety, leading to unhappiness Some examples of catastrophic thinking include:
- If I don’t pass the test, I’ll fail the class, I’ll never get into college, and I’ll never have a career and I will die a failure.
- If my work isn’t flawless, I’ll never get a promotion, and then I’ll be a failure at my job and be poor forever
- If I don’t make a good impression, everyone will laugh at me and I’ll be a social outcast
Though this might not be an exhaustive list – by becoming aware of these habits and making a conscious effort to change them, you can cultivate a more positive mind-set and increase your happiness.
