One of the most prevalent issues that is present among any generation is, an issue related to romantic relationships.
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There can be various factors causing problems in our romantic relationships but very often we don’t realize Self-esteem being one of the biggest factors. Various researches have proven that there is a well-established link between self-esteem and satisfaction in romantic relationships.
Self-esteem represents an overall evaluation of oneself, the extent to which a person feels positively rather than negatively about themselves and views themselves as a person of value and self-worth.
Something as simple as “If you don’t love yourself how do you expect another individual to love you”, is really easier said than done especially if you have grown up believing that you are not “good enough” and have suffered from low self-esteem.
There can be various reasons for someone suffering from low self-esteem like growing up in a dysfunctional family where parents usually have low self-esteem or are unhappy with each other, growing up with an overachieving sibling and constantly being compared to or growing up with a physical disability. The reasons can be many, but all of which end up leaving an individual feeling like his/her emotional needs are unmet. They grow up codependent and learn to hide their feelings, walk on eggshells, withdraw, and try to please or become aggressive.
As a result of their insecurity and impaired self-esteem, these individuals cannot tolerate either being alone or too close; either one creates intolerable pain. This causes anxiety and the individual needs constant reassurance and security due to their fears of abandonment. Since they have grown up being around primary caregivers (parents or teachers) who they perceived, invalidated their emotional needs, begging someone for love and acceptance by keeping their own needs aside, seems familiar to them.
The good news is that Self Esteem can be modified. By wanting to let go of old toxic beliefs and behaviors and working towards building a better relationship with self and with others, these individuals can build healthy romantic relationships.
How can you do that?
- Find a way to face and accept your insecurities and fears. Acceptance is liberating.
- Surround yourself with people who support you and make you feel good about yourself.
- Practicing self-care techniques like exercising, taking out time to do the things you love doing and so on.
Sometimes, all of this might be easy for some people but really hard for the others, so, what do you do then?
- Finding a skilled therapist who you can either go to for individual or group therapy is a good option because speaking to a professional who can help you objectively has proven to be beneficial for many.
- Couples therapy is another ideal way to achieve greater relationship satisfaction. If one partner refuses to participate, it’s nonetheless helpful if one willing partner does.
Again, these are only certain ways of building one’s self-esteem, there is no “one” prescription for everyone, so find what really works for you.
To conclude with, remember that no one can save you from your own problems until you want to help yourself, its important to understand that we are whole individuals by ourselves and when you enter a relationship with the intent to find a companion rather than someone who can complete you or fill in any void, your relationships will flourish. All that love you are looking for lies within you so aim to seek that first.
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